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How to support LGBTI+ people?

In this text, we have gathered some of the most common questions when it comes to the LGBTI+ community. It is understandable that in many situations when we are not very familiar with someone’s condition, we act according to our own discretion, sometimes it can be good, sometimes it can cause some inconvenience, so it is always the best choice to have an open conversation with the person across the street and ask direct questions. In this way, we sensitize ourselves and show the other party that we are open to conversation and to learn something new. 

How can I tell if someone I know is a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person?
Basically, the only way to find out if someone is lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender is if that person tells you. Many lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trans people do not fit the usual stereotypes, and many people who fit the stereotypes are not lesbians, gays, bisexuals or trans. Assumptions on your part may be wrong. It is important to remember that it is very likely that someone you interact with is part of the LGBTI+ community and to try to be sensitive to that fact.

What should I do if I think someone is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and they haven’t told me?

Again, remember that assumptions on your part may be incorrect. The best approach is to create an atmosphere where the person can feel comfortable and open with you. You can do this by being open and approachable and by showing that you are comfortable with this topic and that you support LGBTI+ issues and issues. If the person is already in love and feels that you are worthy of their trust, they may tell you. If a person seems conflicted about something, it may or may not be because of their sexuality or gender identity. In this case, it’s best to simply make sure they know you’re there if they need to talk. Maybe they didn’t tell you because they just don’t want you to know and that’s their right.

How can I become more accessible to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?

Show that you are comfortable talking about topics related to sexual orientation and gender identity and that you support lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender issues. Be sensitive to the assumptions you make about people – try not to assume that everyone you interact with is heterosexual, has a partner of the opposite sex, etc. Try to use inclusive language as much as possible, such as avoiding the use of pronouns that assume the gender of one’s partner or friend ( Do you have a girlfriend? Any boyfriends? When are you getting married? ). Be a role model by confronting others who make homophobic and transphobic jokes or remarks. Familiarize yourself with the issues of LGBTI+ people by reading books and attending events and activities that aim to educate the community, as LGBTI+ organizations do.
What kind of things do people go through when they come out?
Due to the difficulties of growing up in a predominantly homophobic society, people who identify with the LGBTI+ identity can experience feelings of guilt, isolation, depression, suicidal feelings and low self-esteem. As LGBTI+ people come more in touch with their sexual orientation, they may experience any number of these thoughts and feelings to some degree. On the positive side, coming out can be a very liberating experience as lesbians, gays, and bisexuals learn who they are, gain self-respect, and find friends they can relate to.
Caring for others can be an anxious process as the individual worries about rejection, ridicule, and possible loss of family, friends, and jobs. For students, college life is already full of stress, and adding the process of struggling with one’s sexual or gender identity to the mix can be overwhelming.
What kind of things does a trans person go through when they start to recognize their gender identity?
Transgender issues are rarely discussed and, as a result, they are widely misunderstood. Similar to LGB people, trans people can also experience feelings of guilt, isolation, depression, suicidal feelings and low self-esteem. It can take some time for a trans person to understand the feelings they begin to feel that make them question whether the gender they were assigned at birth is their true gender.
Once a trans person realizes these feelings, they may decide to seek medical certification to align their physical gender with their true gender. Since these resources are very difficult to come by, some trans people experience extreme frustration due to the lack of resources and the constant discrimination they face. When a person does not have access to the resources they need to align their gender with their gender, it can make it difficult to communicate their true gender externally. This increases discrimination and contributes to feelings of depression and isolation. Lack of resources can also contribute to suicidal feelings.
Some trans people use the term coming out  to describe their personal recognition of their true gender identity. However, it is important to be careful when using the term coming out when talking about trans people. For most LGB people, coming out is the ultimate goal. Caring for yourself and others allows an LGB person to shed their shame and fear and be proud and comfortable with who they are. For most trans people, however, coming out is not the ultimate goal. A person may temporarily identify as trans or transgender, or may never identify as trans or transgender. Many trans people strongly identify as male or female and simply want to be recognized as male or female. Coming out as trans often contributes to an individual being perceived as a gender different from the one they identify with, which in turn leads to further discrimination. If you discover that someone has changed gender and is currently or previously identified as trans, it is very important not to disclose this information to others unless you have been given express permission to do so.
How should I respond to heterosexual friends or colleagues who feel negatively about LGBTI+ people?
When such problems arise, it is most useful to discuss them with the people involved. Help them see that they are talking about a person, not just sexual orientation/gender identity. Make sure you have accurate information so you can properly discuss the myths and stereotypes that often underlie such negative reactions. Notice the similarities between LGBTI+ people and heterosexual people. Be clear to others that while they are entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, you will not tolerate comments or discrimination against gay or trans people. Remember that others can look up to you – if you are uncomfortable being around LGBTI+ people, if you are hostile or ignore them, others may follow suit. Conversely, if you are friendly and respectful towards LGBTI+ people, others may follow suit.
What should I say to someone who is afraid of contracting HIV/AIDS from LGBTI+ people?
HIV is not transmitted through ordinary social contact. It is necessary for everyone to be aware of HIV and AIDS. If a friend or colleague is afraid and uninformed, use this as an educational opportunity.
How can I support LGBTI+ people without my own sexual orientation becoming an issue?
Be aware that some people may take it as an indication of your own sexual orientation if you speak publicly about issues related to sexual orientation. Take some time in advance to think about how you might answer this. What do you think about your own sexual identity? Are you happy with yourself? Regardless of your sexual orientation, confidence in your own self-image will make you less vulnerable.
How should I respond to rumors that someone is LGBTI?
Let others know that the sexual orientation or gender identity of any individual is irrelevant unless that person chooses to disclose that information to you. If you can, dispel any myths or stereotypes that might fuel such speculation. If a particular person continues to spread rumours, talk to that person individually.
How to proceed?
With this information, you can consider yourself proud, because you have shown interest and willingness to strengthen your alliance with the LGBTI+ community, and for that we are very grateful. These are some questions that we may all encounter at some point and we believe that there are more. What we need to take with us is openness and willingness to learn and share.
This text is created by Tuzla Open Centre which is supported by the SMART Balkans Core grant.